Dear Husband: Don’t forget that I am always on your team

[Editor’s note: This story is a letter from a woman to her husband. While this is one example of one type of relationship, we understand, appreciate and celebrate that relationships come in all forms and configurations.]

Dear Husband,

I get it. Parenting is hard. Marriage is hard. But both are immensely beautiful and oh so worthwhile. Sometimes, we may feel like we have no idea what we’re doing. And honestly? We don’t. Because we are learning as we go. We are figuring out the best way to raise our family. Being married and figuring out life together is one thing. Being married with children is an entirely different realm of selflessness and sacrifice. But I am glad that we are on this journey together. 

Sure, we have the blueprints of how we were raised. We know what our parent’s marriages looked like. We know the traits that we want to adopt and resemble. But we also know what we want to change. The traditions that we want to start. The values that we want to keep at the forefront of our family. So, it takes work. Hard work. A team effort. And though most days it gets tough and it all feels foreign to us both, don’t forget that I am on your team. Always.

We both sacrifice. We both compromise.

Related: When motherhood gets tough, you make it easier

Because our partnership, our union, is what keeps us grounded. It is the foundation of our family. It is what allows us to weather the storms that life may bring our way.

We took an oath, made a commitment to each other that for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, through sickness and in health, we would love and cherish one another. And every extension of ourselves. 

So through temper tantrums and teething fevers, through irrational arguments and silent treatments—I am still on your team. Because we are in this together. 

Not every day is easy. I’ll get mad on nights when you can’t put the baby to sleep. Because what works for me doesn’t work for you. You’ll get mad when I don’t know how to console our son when he’s irritable and whiny. Because what works for you doesn’t work for me. 

And the truth is, neither of us are at fault. We are two different people loving on one little boy. Me—his mama. His nurturer, his solace, his comfort. You—his daddy. His protector, his partner-in-crime, his role model. 

But no matter what, my husband, we are on the same team. We are in this together. With the same end goal in mind—a secure, loved and resilient child. A healthy and joy-filled marriage. And a life full of love. 

I admit, I’ll let my mom-rage get the best of me, and sometimes I’ll take it out on you. Some days you’ll feel like there is nothing else that you can do or provide for this little one who is so dependent on his mama, and you’ll take those frustrations out on me. 

Most days, you’ll never know what it’s like having a child attached to you almost 24/7. You may never experience interrupted work meetings or going to the bathroom with a baby on your hip, and I’ll envy that you’ve had time to yourself or plenty of adult conversations when all I’ve had were the back and forth babbles between me and our little one.

But on the contrary, most days, you’ll probably envy that I get to spend so much time with our child. You’ll feel like you’re missing out on many of his monumental moments while you’re tirelessly working. You’ll be saddened by the many nights that you arrive home and he is already sound asleep—your chances to play with him long gone into the midnight hours.  

Related: My husband is an equal partner

You may think that I don’t see or appreciate your sacrifices for our family, and I may think that you don’t see or appreciate the sacrifices that I make.

But the truth is, we both sacrifice. We both compromise. We both surrender pieces of ourselves to this journey. 

We are here to help each other balance the weight—and balance each other.

Because we are a team.

Even when we don’t see eye to eye. Even when we disagree. We are in this together

So if you’ve had a tough day at work, please try not to shut me out. And if I’ve had a tough day at home with our little one, I’ll try my best not to take it out on you. Because we need each other more than ever.

We both carry burdens from long days and sleepless nights, but we are here to help each other balance the weight—and balance each other. To wrap our love around one another as best as we know how. To learn how to tend to one another as we grow and shift through these years. 

Because I know that it is easy to get lost in the midst of it all. The baby that refuses to fall asleep during his bedtime. The job that kept you over an hour later at work today. The doctor’s appointments. The house that needs cleaning. The continuous mess of parenthood.

But my husband, don’t forget that I am always here. To be by your side. To make the load lighter. To love you. Because I am on your team. And I am so very fortunate to have you on mine.

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